yozora no mukou ni wa ashita ga mou matteiru

"Beyond the nightsky, tomorrow awaits ..."

I'm not feeling too well. I have had some weird feelings/dreams about dying lately, and most of the time they are so annoying/nagging that I keep waking up from sleep because I fear I would die in my sleep. Jeesh, I really could do without them as I'm already so dead tired (pardon the pun).
Yesterday I had my 5th unit of IV and for the next 1 1/2 weeks I can rest. The small favours of a weak chemotherapy. Yesterday I learnt that another female outpatient I got friendly while waiting for the IV had to move into the hopsital as her condition got worse, no more outpatient status for her. She was on the last leg of her chemo and I suspect her tumors didn't encapsulate. She was so positive thinking and I get angry that nature/God or whatever has to play such cruel joke with a person like her. Life's not fair.
But I don't want to whine, I feel okay-ish. Here is hope I still feel like that at the end of the whole damn thing. I try to persuade myself that nausea is indeed my friend. If I feel nauseous at last I know I'm still alive - bleh ... but it is a constant strain to feel like throwing up, especially if you haven't eaten for the last 24 hours. Even thinking about food makes me want to puke. :s

( cut for length - lyrics ahead )

yozora no mukou ni wa ashita ga mou matteiru

"Beyond the nightsky, tomorrow awaits ..."

I'm not feeling too well. I have had some weird feelings/dreams about dying lately, and most of the time they are so annoying/nagging that I keep waking up from sleep because I fear I would die in my sleep. Jeesh, I really could do without them as I'm already so dead tired (pardon the pun).
Yesterday I had my 5th unit of IV and for the next 1 1/2 weeks I can rest. The small favours of a weak chemotherapy. Yesterday I learnt that another female outpatient I got friendly while waiting for the IV had to move into the hopsital as her condition got worse, no more outpatient status for her. She was on the last leg of her chemo and I suspect her tumors didn't encapsulate. She was so positive thinking and I get angry that nature/God or whatever has to play such cruel joke with a person like her. Life's not fair.
But I don't want to whine, I feel okay-ish. Here is hope I still feel like that at the end of the whole damn thing. I try to persuade myself that nausea is indeed my friend. If I feel nauseous at last I know I'm still alive - bleh ... but it is a constant strain to feel like throwing up, especially if you haven't eaten for the last 24 hours. Even thinking about food makes me want to puke. :s

( cut for length - lyrics ahead )

yozora no mukou ni wa ashita ga mou matteiru

"Beyond the nightsky, tomorrow awaits ..."

I'm not feeling too well. I have had some weird feelings/dreams about dying lately, and most of the time they are so annoying/nagging that I keep waking up from sleep because I fear I would die in my sleep. Jeesh, I really could do without them as I'm already so dead tired (pardon the pun).
Yesterday I had my 5th unit of IV and for the next 1 1/2 weeks I can rest. The small favours of a weak chemotherapy. Yesterday I learnt that another female outpatient I got friendly while waiting for the IV had to move into the hopsital as her condition got worse, no more outpatient status for her. She was on the last leg of her chemo and I suspect her tumors didn't encapsulate. She was so positive thinking and I get angry that nature/God or whatever has to play such cruel joke with a person like her. Life's not fair.
But I don't want to whine, I feel okay-ish. Here is hope I still feel like that at the end of the whole damn thing. I try to persuade myself that nausea is indeed my friend. If I feel nauseous at last I know I'm still alive - bleh ... but it is a constant strain to feel like throwing up, especially if you haven't eaten for the last 24 hours. Even thinking about food makes me want to puke. :s

( cut for length - lyrics ahead )