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scottishlass"Beyond the nightsky, tomorrow awaits ..."
I'm not feeling too well. I have had some weird feelings/dreams about dying lately, and most of the time they are so annoying/nagging that I keep waking up from sleep because I fear I would die in my sleep. Jeesh, I really could do without them as I'm already so dead tired (pardon the pun).
Yesterday I had my 5th unit of IV and for the next 1 1/2 weeks I can rest. The small favours of a weak chemotherapy. Yesterday I learnt that another female outpatient I got friendly while waiting for the IV had to move into the hopsital as her condition got worse, no more outpatient status for her. She was on the last leg of her chemo and I suspect her tumors didn't encapsulate. She was so positive thinking and I get angry that nature/God or whatever has to play such cruel joke with a person like her. Life's not fair.
But I don't want to whine, I feel okay-ish. Here is hope I still feel like that at the end of the whole damn thing. I try to persuade myself that nausea is indeed my friend. If I feel nauseous at last I know I'm still alive - bleh ... but it is a constant strain to feel like throwing up, especially if you haven't eaten for the last 24 hours. Even thinking about food makes me want to puke. :s
The more I listen to SMAP songs the more I grow to like them. Especially after I read the translations or attempt to piece translations together via an online translator. Not only do they have lovely tunes which sound very 80-ish, but some of their lyrics just bring me to tears:
Since that day,
what were we able to believe in?
Beyond the night sky,
tomorrow awaits
Noticing someone else's voice,
we hid ourselves
Along the fencing at the park,
the night wind blew
Your hand that squeezed,
attempting to tell me something
To this day is grasping the most sensitive
part of my heart.
Since that day,
what were we able to believe in?
As I gently open the window,
I smelled the winter wind.
Would sadness ever disappear?
My sighs appeared white in the air
and disappeared quickly.
Even walking was becoming a drag
I thought I can ignore the pointless common senses.
The words that I have said to you,
how much does remain?
They roam aimlessly in the
deepest parts of my heart.
Are we standing in the future of that day?
Things just do not go as well as I thought.
Would days continue on forever like this?
The cloudless sky continues beyond the window.
Since that day,
what were we able to believe in?
Beyond the night sky,
tomorrow awaits
are kara bokutachi wa nani ka wo shinjite kore ta kana
yozora no mukou ni wa mou asu ga matteiru
1998 live at Kohaku
Acapella with piano - my ever most favourite version of the song - silent night version 2001
I'm not feeling too well. I have had some weird feelings/dreams about dying lately, and most of the time they are so annoying/nagging that I keep waking up from sleep because I fear I would die in my sleep. Jeesh, I really could do without them as I'm already so dead tired (pardon the pun).
Yesterday I had my 5th unit of IV and for the next 1 1/2 weeks I can rest. The small favours of a weak chemotherapy. Yesterday I learnt that another female outpatient I got friendly while waiting for the IV had to move into the hopsital as her condition got worse, no more outpatient status for her. She was on the last leg of her chemo and I suspect her tumors didn't encapsulate. She was so positive thinking and I get angry that nature/God or whatever has to play such cruel joke with a person like her. Life's not fair.
But I don't want to whine, I feel okay-ish. Here is hope I still feel like that at the end of the whole damn thing. I try to persuade myself that nausea is indeed my friend. If I feel nauseous at last I know I'm still alive - bleh ... but it is a constant strain to feel like throwing up, especially if you haven't eaten for the last 24 hours. Even thinking about food makes me want to puke. :s
The more I listen to SMAP songs the more I grow to like them. Especially after I read the translations or attempt to piece translations together via an online translator. Not only do they have lovely tunes which sound very 80-ish, but some of their lyrics just bring me to tears:
Since that day,
what were we able to believe in?
Beyond the night sky,
tomorrow awaits
Noticing someone else's voice,
we hid ourselves
Along the fencing at the park,
the night wind blew
Your hand that squeezed,
attempting to tell me something
To this day is grasping the most sensitive
part of my heart.
Since that day,
what were we able to believe in?
As I gently open the window,
I smelled the winter wind.
Would sadness ever disappear?
My sighs appeared white in the air
and disappeared quickly.
Even walking was becoming a drag
I thought I can ignore the pointless common senses.
The words that I have said to you,
how much does remain?
They roam aimlessly in the
deepest parts of my heart.
Are we standing in the future of that day?
Things just do not go as well as I thought.
Would days continue on forever like this?
The cloudless sky continues beyond the window.
Since that day,
what were we able to believe in?
Beyond the night sky,
tomorrow awaits
are kara bokutachi wa nani ka wo shinjite kore ta kana
yozora no mukou ni wa mou asu ga matteiru
1998 live at Kohaku
Acapella with piano - my ever most favourite version of the song - silent night version 2001
