Madness rules the world.
Sep. 14th, 2003 12:34 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
scottishlassThe second memorial day ... a memorial day that reminds of a day, of an event that has changed the complete world. A day that was so bright, so wonderful with a bright blue sky, a warm September sun until some misguided terrorists kidnapped three airplanes to turn their passengers into live bombs.
Since Thursday I have had a long time to think and also come to terms with what happened. Soon after the attacks I was numb and yet had to function to support my friend's mother, make the appropriate calls and inquiries, fly (of all things) to the US and get back with a small urn filled with dust and debris. In the past two years I haven't had time to mourn, hadn't time to actually understand and absorb what had happened. For too long I have been running on anger and hatred. My whole perspective of the world, of how vulnerable we really are, had changed and it keeps changing. Things I have done without even wasting one second of thought are now thought over and over again. A simple boarding of a plane causes panic attacks, suspicion and downright paranoia. A simple roar of a plane or car makes me look up and wonder is it another attack? Will ppl die again?
I have never thought of myself as paranoid, but taking stock of everything I have turned out to be in the last two years, I have become paranoid, more reclusive and angry.
The world lost its innocence that day, another innocence lost, an innocence the Western world had tried to regain again after the attrocities of WWII. An innocence that can never be retrieved, no matter what we do. We hunt the terrorists down and yet in Gaza, Saudi Arabia and other countries, another terrorist is already born and being raised.
Is it religion? Mentality? Idealism?
Probably all these three and yet none of the above.
So many ppl lost their lives that day, so many civilians who had never thought that war would be brought to their doorstep again in their life times. Our grandparents had the wars to go through. They fought for their freedom either in their own country or in a foreign land, giving their sons, brothers and fathers. The generation of our fathers and mothers had the years after WWII to live through, they had the liberalism and freedom of the sixties, MLK, Gandhi, JFK ... these were killed on the funeral pires of freedom and liberty.
Individuals who through their profession walked the edge of life, who through their public lives had come to the attention of ill-doers.
Our generation has 9/11 and all that it has implied in the time since. We are at war, we send out again our brothers, fathers, sons and family out there to defend us, but this time we fight something elusive, and Evil laughs right back at us. Any war in the past had been easier to win than the war on terrorism. Every day there will be a new terrorist to follow the foot steps of one of those who got off a bomb in a cafe in Jerusalem, flew a plane into the World Trade Center or the Pentagon. Throws a bomb in Afghanistan or sprays a patrol of Allied soldiers in Baghdad with an uzi. There will always be one that follows some misguided and stupid so-called religious leaders.
Terrorism is having a new meaning and we are the last generation who can remember the world before the 11th September 2001. A world, perhaps not better, but at least more carefree in the overall structure of things.
Ppl asked me why I still have a picture of the two burning towers hanging outside on my apartment door. Why do I not take it down after one year, two years? All I can reply is that lest we not forget. I cannot forget. I will never forget. Good ppl died there, died just because they were working, holding their lives and families together. Some wanted to go on vacation, some wanted to travel, most of them had dreams, all of it destroyed. No, I can't forget. They took what was mine. They took my innocence, they took my friend, they took a life time of memories that will never come to pass. No, I can't forget and I can't forgive.
Since Thursday I have had a long time to think and also come to terms with what happened. Soon after the attacks I was numb and yet had to function to support my friend's mother, make the appropriate calls and inquiries, fly (of all things) to the US and get back with a small urn filled with dust and debris. In the past two years I haven't had time to mourn, hadn't time to actually understand and absorb what had happened. For too long I have been running on anger and hatred. My whole perspective of the world, of how vulnerable we really are, had changed and it keeps changing. Things I have done without even wasting one second of thought are now thought over and over again. A simple boarding of a plane causes panic attacks, suspicion and downright paranoia. A simple roar of a plane or car makes me look up and wonder is it another attack? Will ppl die again?
I have never thought of myself as paranoid, but taking stock of everything I have turned out to be in the last two years, I have become paranoid, more reclusive and angry.
The world lost its innocence that day, another innocence lost, an innocence the Western world had tried to regain again after the attrocities of WWII. An innocence that can never be retrieved, no matter what we do. We hunt the terrorists down and yet in Gaza, Saudi Arabia and other countries, another terrorist is already born and being raised.
Is it religion? Mentality? Idealism?
Probably all these three and yet none of the above.
So many ppl lost their lives that day, so many civilians who had never thought that war would be brought to their doorstep again in their life times. Our grandparents had the wars to go through. They fought for their freedom either in their own country or in a foreign land, giving their sons, brothers and fathers. The generation of our fathers and mothers had the years after WWII to live through, they had the liberalism and freedom of the sixties, MLK, Gandhi, JFK ... these were killed on the funeral pires of freedom and liberty.
Individuals who through their profession walked the edge of life, who through their public lives had come to the attention of ill-doers.
Our generation has 9/11 and all that it has implied in the time since. We are at war, we send out again our brothers, fathers, sons and family out there to defend us, but this time we fight something elusive, and Evil laughs right back at us. Any war in the past had been easier to win than the war on terrorism. Every day there will be a new terrorist to follow the foot steps of one of those who got off a bomb in a cafe in Jerusalem, flew a plane into the World Trade Center or the Pentagon. Throws a bomb in Afghanistan or sprays a patrol of Allied soldiers in Baghdad with an uzi. There will always be one that follows some misguided and stupid so-called religious leaders.
Terrorism is having a new meaning and we are the last generation who can remember the world before the 11th September 2001. A world, perhaps not better, but at least more carefree in the overall structure of things.
Ppl asked me why I still have a picture of the two burning towers hanging outside on my apartment door. Why do I not take it down after one year, two years? All I can reply is that lest we not forget. I cannot forget. I will never forget. Good ppl died there, died just because they were working, holding their lives and families together. Some wanted to go on vacation, some wanted to travel, most of them had dreams, all of it destroyed. No, I can't forget. They took what was mine. They took my innocence, they took my friend, they took a life time of memories that will never come to pass. No, I can't forget and I can't forgive.
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Date: 2003-09-16 04:11 am (UTC)Don't ever doubt your ability to write, Una. This beautiful, touching and heart-felt post is proof of the fact that you have a magnificent talent. I'm so very sorry for your loss, love. There is nothing more devastating than losing a loved one and being stripped of your innocence. I know you will find peace one day soon. Through my own experience of losing a child, I have learnt that peace does come. It may take a time, but it will come. My thoughts are with you.