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Sep. 12th, 2004 02:46 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
scottishlassIt is now 3 AM over here and at last I can just sit down and work through all the stuff that happened today.
Olly and I went to the cemetary today to visit the grave of my friend who died 3 years ago in the WTC attacks. It is still strange to visit this tiny patch of land, the soil that harbours the urn filled with white dust and a bit of rubble that represents my friend. I still can't believe she is gone. Extinguished like the flame of a candle by a careless hand.
There is still so much to say to her, so much to see with her ... and yet I can't. Sometimes I catch myself thinking: Oh boy she would have loved this, I have to tell her ... only to realise she is gone. I think this is the worst, not to tell her anything anymore even if it were by the odd phone call or the daily mails we have been exchanging for more than six years, and before that the cards and letters. I still keep them wrapped up with a blue ribbon in my bureau. But it hurts to get them out and read her words, reading about her thoughts, her ideas ... her goals.
She still wanted so much... she wanted to visit Germany during her vacation, wanted to say hello to her country of childhood and adolescance only to end up in a small urn filled with dust.
I also saw her mom today, and the woman I saw in the last three years is only a shadow of her old self now. The terrorists didn't kill a mere 2746 ppl on that fateful day three years back. They killed thousands of others as well on that day. I have seen one today when I sat in a sunny living room, holding hands with a woman who has lost her child.
The anger is instant still ... it is burning in my gut like acid, and it still boils and churns. 9/11 will always be with us, and it is true. Those who remained behind after that painful day have to deal with it for the rest of their lives. And the generation following us will never know how carefree life was before 9/11.
Olly and I went to the cemetary today to visit the grave of my friend who died 3 years ago in the WTC attacks. It is still strange to visit this tiny patch of land, the soil that harbours the urn filled with white dust and a bit of rubble that represents my friend. I still can't believe she is gone. Extinguished like the flame of a candle by a careless hand.
There is still so much to say to her, so much to see with her ... and yet I can't. Sometimes I catch myself thinking: Oh boy she would have loved this, I have to tell her ... only to realise she is gone. I think this is the worst, not to tell her anything anymore even if it were by the odd phone call or the daily mails we have been exchanging for more than six years, and before that the cards and letters. I still keep them wrapped up with a blue ribbon in my bureau. But it hurts to get them out and read her words, reading about her thoughts, her ideas ... her goals.
She still wanted so much... she wanted to visit Germany during her vacation, wanted to say hello to her country of childhood and adolescance only to end up in a small urn filled with dust.
I also saw her mom today, and the woman I saw in the last three years is only a shadow of her old self now. The terrorists didn't kill a mere 2746 ppl on that fateful day three years back. They killed thousands of others as well on that day. I have seen one today when I sat in a sunny living room, holding hands with a woman who has lost her child.
The anger is instant still ... it is burning in my gut like acid, and it still boils and churns. 9/11 will always be with us, and it is true. Those who remained behind after that painful day have to deal with it for the rest of their lives. And the generation following us will never know how carefree life was before 9/11.
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no subject
Date: 2004-09-11 07:26 pm (UTC)I am so sorry.
no subject
Date: 2004-09-13 01:59 am (UTC)