I'm deteriorating into a teeny bopper ...

... Why?
Well I had sworn not to change the layout of my private page AGAIN after only a couple of months, and yet, when I had this layout for LJ, I had to change it on different-worlds too. *sigh*
Anyway, it is now white and hopefully will stay a looooooooong time.

I think I have a good angle for my first real novel ... and I want to try writing it in first person narrative. I always shy away from that kind of narrative as it is really difficult to write, one of the traps are that you start to write ALL protagonists in first person, which can become really confusing. Oh well, I love to take chances, so I will try it and if the first two chapters won't work I'll re-write.

So would the following be a good start? Does it make you interested?

She was from the mainland, and mom had told me to be nice. I really didn't know why I should be nice to a girl who was younger than me, she would probably follow me everywhere and I really don't want that. Me and my mates want to roam the countryside and I really don't care about a little cousin trailing me everywhere. We have manly stuff to do.

With a sigh, I tried not to fidget around too much as my family and I waited at the main station. It was a nice day, sunny for a change and I hated to stay here, in the sun, waiting for some stupid cousin. I hated her. The train pulled into the station and even though I tried to keep my cool with all of my almost eight years, a shiver ran down my spine. I tiptoed to see over and around the people that were unboarding the train, but all I could see were the masses of backpack tourists that seemed to crowd the countryside every summer. My mother grabbed my hand and pulled me forward while she greeted another woman cheerfully. Staring up at the woman, I dismissed her immediately. She wore her hair short, almost as short as my dad, and her suit was quite rumpled. I felt my neck prickle as if someone was watching me and when I let my gaze travel down the figure of the woman I noticed a small freckled pixie face peeking from behind the woman.
The jolt running through me surprised me, and left me hands sweaty. So this was my cousin, Lina, from the mainland. I was surprised that she looked very much like my granny. The same reddish gold curls were rioting around her head, and she had the same brown soulful eyes. Eyes like the small pet rabbits my grandfather kept for me.

I really didn't know it at that time, but I was hook, line and sinker.

I'm deteriorating into a teeny bopper ...

... Why?
Well I had sworn not to change the layout of my private page AGAIN after only a couple of months, and yet, when I had this layout for LJ, I had to change it on different-worlds too. *sigh*
Anyway, it is now white and hopefully will stay a looooooooong time.

I think I have a good angle for my first real novel ... and I want to try writing it in first person narrative. I always shy away from that kind of narrative as it is really difficult to write, one of the traps are that you start to write ALL protagonists in first person, which can become really confusing. Oh well, I love to take chances, so I will try it and if the first two chapters won't work I'll re-write.

So would the following be a good start? Does it make you interested?

She was from the mainland, and mom had told me to be nice. I really didn't know why I should be nice to a girl who was younger than me, she would probably follow me everywhere and I really don't want that. Me and my mates want to roam the countryside and I really don't care about a little cousin trailing me everywhere. We have manly stuff to do.

With a sigh, I tried not to fidget around too much as my family and I waited at the main station. It was a nice day, sunny for a change and I hated to stay here, in the sun, waiting for some stupid cousin. I hated her. The train pulled into the station and even though I tried to keep my cool with all of my almost eight years, a shiver ran down my spine. I tiptoed to see over and around the people that were unboarding the train, but all I could see were the masses of backpack tourists that seemed to crowd the countryside every summer. My mother grabbed my hand and pulled me forward while she greeted another woman cheerfully. Staring up at the woman, I dismissed her immediately. She wore her hair short, almost as short as my dad, and her suit was quite rumpled. I felt my neck prickle as if someone was watching me and when I let my gaze travel down the figure of the woman I noticed a small freckled pixie face peeking from behind the woman.
The jolt running through me surprised me, and left me hands sweaty. So this was my cousin, Lina, from the mainland. I was surprised that she looked very much like my granny. The same reddish gold curls were rioting around her head, and she had the same brown soulful eyes. Eyes like the small pet rabbits my grandfather kept for me.

I really didn't know it at that time, but I was hook, line and sinker.

I'm deteriorating into a teeny bopper ...

... Why?
Well I had sworn not to change the layout of my private page AGAIN after only a couple of months, and yet, when I had this layout for LJ, I had to change it on different-worlds too. *sigh*
Anyway, it is now white and hopefully will stay a looooooooong time.

I think I have a good angle for my first real novel ... and I want to try writing it in first person narrative. I always shy away from that kind of narrative as it is really difficult to write, one of the traps are that you start to write ALL protagonists in first person, which can become really confusing. Oh well, I love to take chances, so I will try it and if the first two chapters won't work I'll re-write.

So would the following be a good start? Does it make you interested?

She was from the mainland, and mom had told me to be nice. I really didn't know why I should be nice to a girl who was younger than me, she would probably follow me everywhere and I really don't want that. Me and my mates want to roam the countryside and I really don't care about a little cousin trailing me everywhere. We have manly stuff to do.

With a sigh, I tried not to fidget around too much as my family and I waited at the main station. It was a nice day, sunny for a change and I hated to stay here, in the sun, waiting for some stupid cousin. I hated her. The train pulled into the station and even though I tried to keep my cool with all of my almost eight years, a shiver ran down my spine. I tiptoed to see over and around the people that were unboarding the train, but all I could see were the masses of backpack tourists that seemed to crowd the countryside every summer. My mother grabbed my hand and pulled me forward while she greeted another woman cheerfully. Staring up at the woman, I dismissed her immediately. She wore her hair short, almost as short as my dad, and her suit was quite rumpled. I felt my neck prickle as if someone was watching me and when I let my gaze travel down the figure of the woman I noticed a small freckled pixie face peeking from behind the woman.
The jolt running through me surprised me, and left me hands sweaty. So this was my cousin, Lina, from the mainland. I was surprised that she looked very much like my granny. The same reddish gold curls were rioting around her head, and she had the same brown soulful eyes. Eyes like the small pet rabbits my grandfather kept for me.

I really didn't know it at that time, but I was hook, line and sinker.

A Good Day :)

This morning I woke up with In Extremo on the radio. YES!
Mind it isn't such a small feat that one of my fave live bands is on the radio. Especially In Extremo who look like Highlander meet Rammstein, and their music is a mix of traditional Celtic music meets Goth with English, German, Latin and Old/Middle English and German lyrics :) They have bagpipes in every of their songs, along with the guitars and bass of a hard rock band.
Ama me fideliter Fidem meam nota De corde totaliter Et Ex mente tota (Love me from a true heart, See how I honour you in song, You fill again and again all my senses)
So now I'm in medieval mode, and straighten out some of my fumbles I did in my In Darkness We Stand. Hopefully the next chapter five will be finished over the weekend. Then a bit more fine tuning with the dialogue, and I can post Chapter Five next week, at last.

I'm glad you like the intro to the very first chapter of Scottish Fling (well that is the work title anyway). Still not sure if I can pull it off, if it is just a rendition of a childhood and adult life or a real romance. Hmm... to keep it more fictional I'd say the latter, this way I can also sell it better once I can muster up the courage to actually submit a complete novel to a publisher and not only short stories or excerpts. I also have made a deal with spacellama and Terri - we want to get published :)
I'm also thinking about re-working Serendipity to make it an original fiction, so I can send it in. I don't think OB would appreciate it if his name is used other than a biography *LOL*

Okay off to work a wee bit more, after all I need booze and nosh to write in my free time :)

A Good Day :)

This morning I woke up with In Extremo on the radio. YES!
Mind it isn't such a small feat that one of my fave live bands is on the radio. Especially In Extremo who look like Highlander meet Rammstein, and their music is a mix of traditional Celtic music meets Goth with English, German, Latin and Old/Middle English and German lyrics :) They have bagpipes in every of their songs, along with the guitars and bass of a hard rock band.
Ama me fideliter Fidem meam nota De corde totaliter Et Ex mente tota (Love me from a true heart, See how I honour you in song, You fill again and again all my senses)
So now I'm in medieval mode, and straighten out some of my fumbles I did in my In Darkness We Stand. Hopefully the next chapter five will be finished over the weekend. Then a bit more fine tuning with the dialogue, and I can post Chapter Five next week, at last.

I'm glad you like the intro to the very first chapter of Scottish Fling (well that is the work title anyway). Still not sure if I can pull it off, if it is just a rendition of a childhood and adult life or a real romance. Hmm... to keep it more fictional I'd say the latter, this way I can also sell it better once I can muster up the courage to actually submit a complete novel to a publisher and not only short stories or excerpts. I also have made a deal with spacellama and Terri - we want to get published :)
I'm also thinking about re-working Serendipity to make it an original fiction, so I can send it in. I don't think OB would appreciate it if his name is used other than a biography *LOL*

Okay off to work a wee bit more, after all I need booze and nosh to write in my free time :)

A Good Day :)

This morning I woke up with In Extremo on the radio. YES!
Mind it isn't such a small feat that one of my fave live bands is on the radio. Especially In Extremo who look like Highlander meet Rammstein, and their music is a mix of traditional Celtic music meets Goth with English, German, Latin and Old/Middle English and German lyrics :) They have bagpipes in every of their songs, along with the guitars and bass of a hard rock band.
Ama me fideliter Fidem meam nota De corde totaliter Et Ex mente tota (Love me from a true heart, See how I honour you in song, You fill again and again all my senses)
So now I'm in medieval mode, and straighten out some of my fumbles I did in my In Darkness We Stand. Hopefully the next chapter five will be finished over the weekend. Then a bit more fine tuning with the dialogue, and I can post Chapter Five next week, at last.

I'm glad you like the intro to the very first chapter of Scottish Fling (well that is the work title anyway). Still not sure if I can pull it off, if it is just a rendition of a childhood and adult life or a real romance. Hmm... to keep it more fictional I'd say the latter, this way I can also sell it better once I can muster up the courage to actually submit a complete novel to a publisher and not only short stories or excerpts. I also have made a deal with spacellama and Terri - we want to get published :)
I'm also thinking about re-working Serendipity to make it an original fiction, so I can send it in. I don't think OB would appreciate it if his name is used other than a biography *LOL*

Okay off to work a wee bit more, after all I need booze and nosh to write in my free time :)

On (Fan) Fiction

Almost everyone I know is either heavily involved in one fandom or the other and/or writes fanfiction. May it be for S:AAB, Farscape, LotR, Orli etc. Most of my friends are awesome writers and sometimes I really ask myself why they are not already established writers because I really 'fall' into their fics.
During my time as web archivist for two fanfiction archives (S:AAB FanFic Flightdeck and m.i.t.m.) I have come across a lot of stories and authors. I had the pleasure to see fledgling writers evolve and also established writers to run full circle and become published in real. That is the good side.
The down side is, I have also seen writers ... or so called ones who are too recalcitrant to learn anything about the craft of writing, let alone use beta readers at their disposal :s
Luckily in S:AAB there are some awesome writers, probably because they are more mature and because of the subject matter. Space: Above And Beyond is a well written, well paced and well plotted series with strong characters. The writers of that fandom are the same. Their skill and craft shines through their fiction. It is both a pleasure to read and archive.
Same goes with Farscape, also mature fans and brilliant writing.

Unfortunately, that is not true for other fandoms ... e.g. LotR (though I don't read much of that - I only make exceptions with friends even though they know that if I don't like what I read I tell them and stop reading) and Orlific ... Now, because of the subject matter (OB) this fandom has a lot of teenagers. Nothing wrong with that, but when these teenagers try to write and think they have written something akin to Joyce, Woolf or Hemingway and their work shows that they definitely have not ... then I have a HUGE problem. I really don't care how mature or immature a writer is as long as the story produced is spelled correctly, good grammar, has coherent plotting & sentences, and stays in character. Alas, some writers can't even follow the first two, not to mention coherency or characterization. What is really bad is that I have given up on telling writers that they should at least run a spell checker over their stories or get a beta reader. I know it is bad, but after over a year as archivist for an OB fanfic archive, I somehow have lost my zest for making mediocre writers better. After reading and converting the umpteenth fic with bad spelling, bad grammar, bad plotting and incoherency, I have given up. Literally. One skimmed look over a story and I shrug and up it goes onto the site. No quality check; however no bleeding eyes either :)
At first, I felt really bad about it, but nowadays I have discovered that I really don't have the energy anymore to even bother. Bad, bad Una ... but I can't help it.
Same as a reader ... if I don't like a fic (both fan and pro-fic) from the first two pages, I close it and never open it again. Am I too hard on writers? Too arrogant? Or just too full of useless knowledge from my studies at university?

Do you also have these hard feelings about fanfiction? Or am I way off?

------

Chatting to elfnut ... she is at home because her doctor suspects her to have meningitis. ... Even thought o sound like an old LP on repeat: Elf, LAY DOWN!!! TAKE IT EASY!!!

'Nuff said for now - I should either start on tomorrow's m.i.t.m. update or write a bit more ...

On (Fan) Fiction

Almost everyone I know is either heavily involved in one fandom or the other and/or writes fanfiction. May it be for S:AAB, Farscape, LotR, Orli etc. Most of my friends are awesome writers and sometimes I really ask myself why they are not already established writers because I really 'fall' into their fics.
During my time as web archivist for two fanfiction archives (S:AAB FanFic Flightdeck and m.i.t.m.) I have come across a lot of stories and authors. I had the pleasure to see fledgling writers evolve and also established writers to run full circle and become published in real. That is the good side.
The down side is, I have also seen writers ... or so called ones who are too recalcitrant to learn anything about the craft of writing, let alone use beta readers at their disposal :s
Luckily in S:AAB there are some awesome writers, probably because they are more mature and because of the subject matter. Space: Above And Beyond is a well written, well paced and well plotted series with strong characters. The writers of that fandom are the same. Their skill and craft shines through their fiction. It is both a pleasure to read and archive.
Same goes with Farscape, also mature fans and brilliant writing.

Unfortunately, that is not true for other fandoms ... e.g. LotR (though I don't read much of that - I only make exceptions with friends even though they know that if I don't like what I read I tell them and stop reading) and Orlific ... Now, because of the subject matter (OB) this fandom has a lot of teenagers. Nothing wrong with that, but when these teenagers try to write and think they have written something akin to Joyce, Woolf or Hemingway and their work shows that they definitely have not ... then I have a HUGE problem. I really don't care how mature or immature a writer is as long as the story produced is spelled correctly, good grammar, has coherent plotting & sentences, and stays in character. Alas, some writers can't even follow the first two, not to mention coherency or characterization. What is really bad is that I have given up on telling writers that they should at least run a spell checker over their stories or get a beta reader. I know it is bad, but after over a year as archivist for an OB fanfic archive, I somehow have lost my zest for making mediocre writers better. After reading and converting the umpteenth fic with bad spelling, bad grammar, bad plotting and incoherency, I have given up. Literally. One skimmed look over a story and I shrug and up it goes onto the site. No quality check; however no bleeding eyes either :)
At first, I felt really bad about it, but nowadays I have discovered that I really don't have the energy anymore to even bother. Bad, bad Una ... but I can't help it.
Same as a reader ... if I don't like a fic (both fan and pro-fic) from the first two pages, I close it and never open it again. Am I too hard on writers? Too arrogant? Or just too full of useless knowledge from my studies at university?

Do you also have these hard feelings about fanfiction? Or am I way off?

------

Chatting to elfnut ... she is at home because her doctor suspects her to have meningitis. ... Even thought o sound like an old LP on repeat: Elf, LAY DOWN!!! TAKE IT EASY!!!

'Nuff said for now - I should either start on tomorrow's m.i.t.m. update or write a bit more ...

On (Fan) Fiction

Almost everyone I know is either heavily involved in one fandom or the other and/or writes fanfiction. May it be for S:AAB, Farscape, LotR, Orli etc. Most of my friends are awesome writers and sometimes I really ask myself why they are not already established writers because I really 'fall' into their fics.
During my time as web archivist for two fanfiction archives (S:AAB FanFic Flightdeck and m.i.t.m.) I have come across a lot of stories and authors. I had the pleasure to see fledgling writers evolve and also established writers to run full circle and become published in real. That is the good side.
The down side is, I have also seen writers ... or so called ones who are too recalcitrant to learn anything about the craft of writing, let alone use beta readers at their disposal :s
Luckily in S:AAB there are some awesome writers, probably because they are more mature and because of the subject matter. Space: Above And Beyond is a well written, well paced and well plotted series with strong characters. The writers of that fandom are the same. Their skill and craft shines through their fiction. It is both a pleasure to read and archive.
Same goes with Farscape, also mature fans and brilliant writing.

Unfortunately, that is not true for other fandoms ... e.g. LotR (though I don't read much of that - I only make exceptions with friends even though they know that if I don't like what I read I tell them and stop reading) and Orlific ... Now, because of the subject matter (OB) this fandom has a lot of teenagers. Nothing wrong with that, but when these teenagers try to write and think they have written something akin to Joyce, Woolf or Hemingway and their work shows that they definitely have not ... then I have a HUGE problem. I really don't care how mature or immature a writer is as long as the story produced is spelled correctly, good grammar, has coherent plotting & sentences, and stays in character. Alas, some writers can't even follow the first two, not to mention coherency or characterization. What is really bad is that I have given up on telling writers that they should at least run a spell checker over their stories or get a beta reader. I know it is bad, but after over a year as archivist for an OB fanfic archive, I somehow have lost my zest for making mediocre writers better. After reading and converting the umpteenth fic with bad spelling, bad grammar, bad plotting and incoherency, I have given up. Literally. One skimmed look over a story and I shrug and up it goes onto the site. No quality check; however no bleeding eyes either :)
At first, I felt really bad about it, but nowadays I have discovered that I really don't have the energy anymore to even bother. Bad, bad Una ... but I can't help it.
Same as a reader ... if I don't like a fic (both fan and pro-fic) from the first two pages, I close it and never open it again. Am I too hard on writers? Too arrogant? Or just too full of useless knowledge from my studies at university?

Do you also have these hard feelings about fanfiction? Or am I way off?

------

Chatting to elfnut ... she is at home because her doctor suspects her to have meningitis. ... Even thought o sound like an old LP on repeat: Elf, LAY DOWN!!! TAKE IT EASY!!!

'Nuff said for now - I should either start on tomorrow's m.i.t.m. update or write a bit more ...

On (Fan) Fiction #2

I have thought about all the comments that were made today and I have to agree, a beta reader is essential in becoming a good writer.
I think every writer, be it in pro or fanfic should do several beta runs to understand how important a beta reader is. But try to tell that to all the new 'aspiring' teeny writers :)

Funnily enough, when I do a beta I almost ALWAYS get into trouble. Be it because I'm too harsh, too soft or to whatnot.
Here is an example about a beta I did two years ago, a big poodoo I made as not only the writer was pissed off with me but half of the list it was posted on thought of me as a second Medusa eating little writers for breakfast 'bleh'.
This is a beta from the Luke and Mara fandom, a sub fandom from Star Wars Expanded Universe. If you know Luke Skywalker, you know he is a goody two shoes, who thinks more than he acts and also is far too shy to just step up to Mara Jade, let alone telling her he loves her (even in profic they needed ten frelling years to actually get together). Anyway, this piece was a short story and it was asked to be beta read ON LIST, meaning the beta was supposed to be send to the list rather than the author herself ...


This is kind of inspired
by that RR awhile ago, though I'm not sure if it fits in with the way
it was going or not. So, just consider it an "offshoot." All
constructive feedback appreciated.
[snip]

Well it is a good start but - and here the constructive criticism kicks in
- there are several points that you should take care of for this and any
future fics you are writing:

1. Know thy characters ...
"You take those repress pills, right?" Luke asked.
"Well... I actually haven't for a few months. But I don't think it's a
problem. "
"That's good. Pretty sure?"

That would a dark side Luke ask but not the light sider. That is totally
out of character, just as well as some other stuff, this was the first
thing that I noted but there are other moments as well.

2. Get thee beta readers
It is always very good if you have two or more beta readers who go over the
stories with a comb ... Most of us have two, one for any spelling and
grammatical mistakes and one for the coherency of the story (like
in-character acting of the canon characters, checking canon law etc.)
Beta readers are invaluable and take up a great part in making a fic a good
one.

For example: I didn't understand the ending ... one time Mara was in the
lift on her way to the fire and Luke still in the room at the lodging house
and then in the last scene she is with him again? And why does Callista
come into play?
Beta readers will ask you the same questions and help you to avoid
confusion in the reader.

3. Get descriptive
You are already using descriptive verbs and adjectives but sometimes they
conjure up a slightly and unintentionally funny image instead.
She slouched with her left hand on her hip, eying Luke narrowly.

I know what you meant but the visual I have is totally funny and destroys
the scene you want to create.

Additionally, if you don't want to write NC17 or R-rated love scenes, then
don't that is okay, but don't handle it with just one sentence like this:
And of course, later they wound up in bed.
Ouch ... Get more into this statement .. you later elaborate that they are
doing it on an irregular basis but it would be good to see how it happened
and how they ended up in this arrangement.

Which leads me to my last point:
4. Get into the heads of the characters, make them speak up:
Two of the best authors in profic who really got into the minds of their
original characters are Virginia Woolfe and James Joyce. Of course, as a
fanfic author we cannot reach their brilliancy and skill but we can learn
from them. You can describe a lot of the plot by getting into the
characters' minds. Let them explain what happened and why something leads to
a certain situation. That not only makes it easier for the reader to
understand your plot but also cleans up occurring plot holes.

I know this is a lot to swallow, but I received this kind of sermon after I
had posted my first ever fic in another fandom. It helped me a great
deal, and I hope that it will help you too....
As I said, this is a good start, it just needs to be 'tweaked'.

Death threads, comments welcome.
Una


Even now, after two years of posting that beta, I'm some sort of harpy who overestimates her fics and makes other authors down on that list. IMHO that is a very valid and helpful beta, the original fic was really painful to read because both Luke and Mara were totally out of character. It felt as if Billy Boyd would all of a sudden sprout a Yankee accent, if you know what I mean.

Why can't ppl accept constructive criticism to make their own lives as well as that of their readers and archivists easier? *harumph*

But to counter the balance and not to appear like a high and mighty little bitch who always knows better, here is my latest beta that was done by spacellama

Re: [bloominfanfic] BETA: Serendipity vignette #3 - The Photo Shoot - NC17

Zowie. What a gorgeously romantic smut biscuit. The
sex of course, was *hot*. But also precious. I'm not
entirely sure how you managed to let me, an outsider,
view such an intimate and marvelous moment without
making me *feel* like a voyeur. And yet you did.
High-calibre writing, lady.

Of course, now that you know how much I adored the
piece, here goes my nit-picky (and grammatically anal)
beta:

"Orlando replied and gave Megan a soft kiss onto her
exposed neck." ... phrase "gave... a soft kiss onto"
is a usage I'm not used to. Maybe "dropped a soft kiss
onto"? or "gave her a soft kiss on her exposed neck"?

"exposed neck. almost letting go of the receiver" ...
that full-stop after "neck" should be a comma

""Fabulous, booze and nosh, but make sure to have some
real milk handy for tea, Megan can't hold soy milk
since her pregnancy, she is a wimp,"" ... run-on here.
I'd change to three separate sentences: "Fabulous:
booze and nosh. But make sure to have some real milk
handy for tea; Megan can't handle soymilk since her
pregnancy. She's a wimp." Or something like that.

"Orli replied while he winked at his wife who punched
him playfully onto his arm." ... There's a lot of
simultaneous action here, and it's hard to visualize
three things going on at once. May consider saying and
winking, then punching.

"putting a soft kiss on her belly," ... May consider
changing "putting" to "placing" (just more common turn
of phrase)

"Megan breathed and shut her eyes, shivers of
anticipation and lust exploded in her body and with a
groan she wrapped her arms around his neck." ...
run-on again. Easy fix, though: "...her eyes. Shivers
of anticipation..."

"The man grinned when he heard Orlando's excited voice
coming from downstairs and the
delighted laughter of Megan." ... dangling gerund
here. Possibly recast sentence: "The man grinned when
he heard Orlando's excited voice and Megan's delighted
laughter coming from downstairs."

"Putting away his camera away, he went over to te
landing " ... should be "the landing"

""Well at least Viggo could have warned us, we need to
climb the Manga Parbat to get to his studio,"" ... I
just love this line. Can so hear Orli saying it. :)

"With a shake of her head she reached the top of the
stairs "... for some reason, this made me have the
silly mental image of Megan shaking her head and
magically zatting to the top of the stairs. Maybe I'm
just too open to silly mental images.

"and Viggo rubbed his hands together, eager to start.
"So, let's start, okay?" ... repeated use of "start"
here. Maybe, "... and Viggo rubbed his hands together
eagerly. "So let's start, okay?""

""Now, Viggo, if you think I will hold my naked butt
into the camera, you should think again,"" ... maybe
"shove my naked butt into the camera"?

"threw Viggo a pitiful glance but the older man " ...
add comma between "glance" and "but"

"Orlando grinned and stepping in front of her, he
cupped her face in his hands and put a soft kiss on
her forehead" ... might consider slight rewording:
"Orlando grinned and stepped in front of her, cupping
her face..."

""Are you ready, love?""... gah. Sometimes the
simplest lines are the most sublime.

"not sure, if her voice would hold"... I don't think
you need the comma between "sure" and "if"; your call
though

"that she even missed Orli slipping away and came to
stand beside Viggo who was busy snapping pictures."
... consider rewording: "...she even missed Orli
slipping away and coming back to stand beside Viggo,
who was..."

"Fool around and try out what you feel comfortable
with,""... You know, oddly enough, I can so clearly
imagine Viggo saying *that*. (hee)


"Viggo's encouraging remarks spurned her on and she
lent back," ... "spurned" should probably be "spurred"
and "lent" probably should be "leaned"

"Megan felt Orli slipping his arms around her from the
back and as if he wanted to protect her, his hands
slipped around her belly. Slipping her hands into his
they both looked at each other, long and deep."...
"slipping" repeated a few times in this short passage.
Although it is a very evocative word, you may consider
changing it at least once.


"Having watched Megan posing for Viggo, it had made
him feel all sorts of things, he had felt pride, love,
and lust for this beautiful woman." ... internal
transitions in this passage are a little awkward. How
about "Watching Megan pose for the camera made Orli
feel all sorts of things: pride, love, and lust for
this beautiful woman"?

"The last shot of the day, as far as he was concerned,
and he was eager to get into the dark room and start
developing the negatives."... maybe "He'd taken the
last shot of the day, as far as he was concerned, and
he was.."

"A shiver went down her spine when she watcher her
husband stalking over towards her, like a predator
stalking its prey." ... change "watcher" to "watched"


"Their gazes met in the glass and when Orli untied the
knot of her wraparound, letting it fall down around
her curves, Megan bit her lips when a shiver of
passion ran
through her." ... lots of things going on at one time.
Consider: "Their gazes met in teh glass, and when Orli
untied the knot of her wraparound and let it fall down
around her curves, Megan bit her lip. A shiver of
passion ran through her."

"a soft moan elicited from her lips." ... "elicited"
seems strange here. Usually someone elicits something,
but here the somehting is eliciting all by itself.
Possibly "Her nipples grew hard as her husband skimmed
his thumbs over them. His touch elicited a soft moan
from her lips."

"and with a sob, she tried to forestall the
inevitable, but her hips, her whole movie,
had a sense of her own." .. should "movie" be "body"?

"It was as simple as that, and yet, both knew it was
never enough. Their need was more than meeting their
physical needs, and both knew it." ...
"both knew it" is repeated. Possible to remove or replace one?

"whimpers and murmurs that were so unique of her." ...
"unique of her" probably should be "unique to her"

-----------

And that is all. Thank you so much for letting me read
this; it was truly lovely.

Viv build up the beta really well, she gives praise but also takes me through the paces. And she damn well helps me making my fic but also my overall writing better :)

On (Fan) Fiction #2

I have thought about all the comments that were made today and I have to agree, a beta reader is essential in becoming a good writer.
I think every writer, be it in pro or fanfic should do several beta runs to understand how important a beta reader is. But try to tell that to all the new 'aspiring' teeny writers :)

Funnily enough, when I do a beta I almost ALWAYS get into trouble. Be it because I'm too harsh, too soft or to whatnot.
Here is an example about a beta I did two years ago, a big poodoo I made as not only the writer was pissed off with me but half of the list it was posted on thought of me as a second Medusa eating little writers for breakfast 'bleh'.
This is a beta from the Luke and Mara fandom, a sub fandom from Star Wars Expanded Universe. If you know Luke Skywalker, you know he is a goody two shoes, who thinks more than he acts and also is far too shy to just step up to Mara Jade, let alone telling her he loves her (even in profic they needed ten frelling years to actually get together). Anyway, this piece was a short story and it was asked to be beta read ON LIST, meaning the beta was supposed to be send to the list rather than the author herself ...


This is kind of inspired
by that RR awhile ago, though I'm not sure if it fits in with the way
it was going or not. So, just consider it an "offshoot." All
constructive feedback appreciated.
[snip]

Well it is a good start but - and here the constructive criticism kicks in
- there are several points that you should take care of for this and any
future fics you are writing:

1. Know thy characters ...
"You take those repress pills, right?" Luke asked.
"Well... I actually haven't for a few months. But I don't think it's a
problem. "
"That's good. Pretty sure?"

That would a dark side Luke ask but not the light sider. That is totally
out of character, just as well as some other stuff, this was the first
thing that I noted but there are other moments as well.

2. Get thee beta readers
It is always very good if you have two or more beta readers who go over the
stories with a comb ... Most of us have two, one for any spelling and
grammatical mistakes and one for the coherency of the story (like
in-character acting of the canon characters, checking canon law etc.)
Beta readers are invaluable and take up a great part in making a fic a good
one.

For example: I didn't understand the ending ... one time Mara was in the
lift on her way to the fire and Luke still in the room at the lodging house
and then in the last scene she is with him again? And why does Callista
come into play?
Beta readers will ask you the same questions and help you to avoid
confusion in the reader.

3. Get descriptive
You are already using descriptive verbs and adjectives but sometimes they
conjure up a slightly and unintentionally funny image instead.
She slouched with her left hand on her hip, eying Luke narrowly.

I know what you meant but the visual I have is totally funny and destroys
the scene you want to create.

Additionally, if you don't want to write NC17 or R-rated love scenes, then
don't that is okay, but don't handle it with just one sentence like this:
And of course, later they wound up in bed.
Ouch ... Get more into this statement .. you later elaborate that they are
doing it on an irregular basis but it would be good to see how it happened
and how they ended up in this arrangement.

Which leads me to my last point:
4. Get into the heads of the characters, make them speak up:
Two of the best authors in profic who really got into the minds of their
original characters are Virginia Woolfe and James Joyce. Of course, as a
fanfic author we cannot reach their brilliancy and skill but we can learn
from them. You can describe a lot of the plot by getting into the
characters' minds. Let them explain what happened and why something leads to
a certain situation. That not only makes it easier for the reader to
understand your plot but also cleans up occurring plot holes.

I know this is a lot to swallow, but I received this kind of sermon after I
had posted my first ever fic in another fandom. It helped me a great
deal, and I hope that it will help you too....
As I said, this is a good start, it just needs to be 'tweaked'.

Death threads, comments welcome.
Una


Even now, after two years of posting that beta, I'm some sort of harpy who overestimates her fics and makes other authors down on that list. IMHO that is a very valid and helpful beta, the original fic was really painful to read because both Luke and Mara were totally out of character. It felt as if Billy Boyd would all of a sudden sprout a Yankee accent, if you know what I mean.

Why can't ppl accept constructive criticism to make their own lives as well as that of their readers and archivists easier? *harumph*

But to counter the balance and not to appear like a high and mighty little bitch who always knows better, here is my latest beta that was done by spacellama

Re: [bloominfanfic] BETA: Serendipity vignette #3 - The Photo Shoot - NC17

Zowie. What a gorgeously romantic smut biscuit. The
sex of course, was *hot*. But also precious. I'm not
entirely sure how you managed to let me, an outsider,
view such an intimate and marvelous moment without
making me *feel* like a voyeur. And yet you did.
High-calibre writing, lady.

Of course, now that you know how much I adored the
piece, here goes my nit-picky (and grammatically anal)
beta:

"Orlando replied and gave Megan a soft kiss onto her
exposed neck." ... phrase "gave... a soft kiss onto"
is a usage I'm not used to. Maybe "dropped a soft kiss
onto"? or "gave her a soft kiss on her exposed neck"?

"exposed neck. almost letting go of the receiver" ...
that full-stop after "neck" should be a comma

""Fabulous, booze and nosh, but make sure to have some
real milk handy for tea, Megan can't hold soy milk
since her pregnancy, she is a wimp,"" ... run-on here.
I'd change to three separate sentences: "Fabulous:
booze and nosh. But make sure to have some real milk
handy for tea; Megan can't handle soymilk since her
pregnancy. She's a wimp." Or something like that.

"Orli replied while he winked at his wife who punched
him playfully onto his arm." ... There's a lot of
simultaneous action here, and it's hard to visualize
three things going on at once. May consider saying and
winking, then punching.

"putting a soft kiss on her belly," ... May consider
changing "putting" to "placing" (just more common turn
of phrase)

"Megan breathed and shut her eyes, shivers of
anticipation and lust exploded in her body and with a
groan she wrapped her arms around his neck." ...
run-on again. Easy fix, though: "...her eyes. Shivers
of anticipation..."

"The man grinned when he heard Orlando's excited voice
coming from downstairs and the
delighted laughter of Megan." ... dangling gerund
here. Possibly recast sentence: "The man grinned when
he heard Orlando's excited voice and Megan's delighted
laughter coming from downstairs."

"Putting away his camera away, he went over to te
landing " ... should be "the landing"

""Well at least Viggo could have warned us, we need to
climb the Manga Parbat to get to his studio,"" ... I
just love this line. Can so hear Orli saying it. :)

"With a shake of her head she reached the top of the
stairs "... for some reason, this made me have the
silly mental image of Megan shaking her head and
magically zatting to the top of the stairs. Maybe I'm
just too open to silly mental images.

"and Viggo rubbed his hands together, eager to start.
"So, let's start, okay?" ... repeated use of "start"
here. Maybe, "... and Viggo rubbed his hands together
eagerly. "So let's start, okay?""

""Now, Viggo, if you think I will hold my naked butt
into the camera, you should think again,"" ... maybe
"shove my naked butt into the camera"?

"threw Viggo a pitiful glance but the older man " ...
add comma between "glance" and "but"

"Orlando grinned and stepping in front of her, he
cupped her face in his hands and put a soft kiss on
her forehead" ... might consider slight rewording:
"Orlando grinned and stepped in front of her, cupping
her face..."

""Are you ready, love?""... gah. Sometimes the
simplest lines are the most sublime.

"not sure, if her voice would hold"... I don't think
you need the comma between "sure" and "if"; your call
though

"that she even missed Orli slipping away and came to
stand beside Viggo who was busy snapping pictures."
... consider rewording: "...she even missed Orli
slipping away and coming back to stand beside Viggo,
who was..."

"Fool around and try out what you feel comfortable
with,""... You know, oddly enough, I can so clearly
imagine Viggo saying *that*. (hee)


"Viggo's encouraging remarks spurned her on and she
lent back," ... "spurned" should probably be "spurred"
and "lent" probably should be "leaned"

"Megan felt Orli slipping his arms around her from the
back and as if he wanted to protect her, his hands
slipped around her belly. Slipping her hands into his
they both looked at each other, long and deep."...
"slipping" repeated a few times in this short passage.
Although it is a very evocative word, you may consider
changing it at least once.


"Having watched Megan posing for Viggo, it had made
him feel all sorts of things, he had felt pride, love,
and lust for this beautiful woman." ... internal
transitions in this passage are a little awkward. How
about "Watching Megan pose for the camera made Orli
feel all sorts of things: pride, love, and lust for
this beautiful woman"?

"The last shot of the day, as far as he was concerned,
and he was eager to get into the dark room and start
developing the negatives."... maybe "He'd taken the
last shot of the day, as far as he was concerned, and
he was.."

"A shiver went down her spine when she watcher her
husband stalking over towards her, like a predator
stalking its prey." ... change "watcher" to "watched"


"Their gazes met in the glass and when Orli untied the
knot of her wraparound, letting it fall down around
her curves, Megan bit her lips when a shiver of
passion ran
through her." ... lots of things going on at one time.
Consider: "Their gazes met in teh glass, and when Orli
untied the knot of her wraparound and let it fall down
around her curves, Megan bit her lip. A shiver of
passion ran through her."

"a soft moan elicited from her lips." ... "elicited"
seems strange here. Usually someone elicits something,
but here the somehting is eliciting all by itself.
Possibly "Her nipples grew hard as her husband skimmed
his thumbs over them. His touch elicited a soft moan
from her lips."

"and with a sob, she tried to forestall the
inevitable, but her hips, her whole movie,
had a sense of her own." .. should "movie" be "body"?

"It was as simple as that, and yet, both knew it was
never enough. Their need was more than meeting their
physical needs, and both knew it." ...
"both knew it" is repeated. Possible to remove or replace one?

"whimpers and murmurs that were so unique of her." ...
"unique of her" probably should be "unique to her"

-----------

And that is all. Thank you so much for letting me read
this; it was truly lovely.

Viv build up the beta really well, she gives praise but also takes me through the paces. And she damn well helps me making my fic but also my overall writing better :)

On (Fan) Fiction #2

I have thought about all the comments that were made today and I have to agree, a beta reader is essential in becoming a good writer.
I think every writer, be it in pro or fanfic should do several beta runs to understand how important a beta reader is. But try to tell that to all the new 'aspiring' teeny writers :)

Funnily enough, when I do a beta I almost ALWAYS get into trouble. Be it because I'm too harsh, too soft or to whatnot.
Here is an example about a beta I did two years ago, a big poodoo I made as not only the writer was pissed off with me but half of the list it was posted on thought of me as a second Medusa eating little writers for breakfast 'bleh'.
This is a beta from the Luke and Mara fandom, a sub fandom from Star Wars Expanded Universe. If you know Luke Skywalker, you know he is a goody two shoes, who thinks more than he acts and also is far too shy to just step up to Mara Jade, let alone telling her he loves her (even in profic they needed ten frelling years to actually get together). Anyway, this piece was a short story and it was asked to be beta read ON LIST, meaning the beta was supposed to be send to the list rather than the author herself ...


This is kind of inspired
by that RR awhile ago, though I'm not sure if it fits in with the way
it was going or not. So, just consider it an "offshoot." All
constructive feedback appreciated.
[snip]

Well it is a good start but - and here the constructive criticism kicks in
- there are several points that you should take care of for this and any
future fics you are writing:

1. Know thy characters ...
"You take those repress pills, right?" Luke asked.
"Well... I actually haven't for a few months. But I don't think it's a
problem. "
"That's good. Pretty sure?"

That would a dark side Luke ask but not the light sider. That is totally
out of character, just as well as some other stuff, this was the first
thing that I noted but there are other moments as well.

2. Get thee beta readers
It is always very good if you have two or more beta readers who go over the
stories with a comb ... Most of us have two, one for any spelling and
grammatical mistakes and one for the coherency of the story (like
in-character acting of the canon characters, checking canon law etc.)
Beta readers are invaluable and take up a great part in making a fic a good
one.

For example: I didn't understand the ending ... one time Mara was in the
lift on her way to the fire and Luke still in the room at the lodging house
and then in the last scene she is with him again? And why does Callista
come into play?
Beta readers will ask you the same questions and help you to avoid
confusion in the reader.

3. Get descriptive
You are already using descriptive verbs and adjectives but sometimes they
conjure up a slightly and unintentionally funny image instead.
She slouched with her left hand on her hip, eying Luke narrowly.

I know what you meant but the visual I have is totally funny and destroys
the scene you want to create.

Additionally, if you don't want to write NC17 or R-rated love scenes, then
don't that is okay, but don't handle it with just one sentence like this:
And of course, later they wound up in bed.
Ouch ... Get more into this statement .. you later elaborate that they are
doing it on an irregular basis but it would be good to see how it happened
and how they ended up in this arrangement.

Which leads me to my last point:
4. Get into the heads of the characters, make them speak up:
Two of the best authors in profic who really got into the minds of their
original characters are Virginia Woolfe and James Joyce. Of course, as a
fanfic author we cannot reach their brilliancy and skill but we can learn
from them. You can describe a lot of the plot by getting into the
characters' minds. Let them explain what happened and why something leads to
a certain situation. That not only makes it easier for the reader to
understand your plot but also cleans up occurring plot holes.

I know this is a lot to swallow, but I received this kind of sermon after I
had posted my first ever fic in another fandom. It helped me a great
deal, and I hope that it will help you too....
As I said, this is a good start, it just needs to be 'tweaked'.

Death threads, comments welcome.
Una


Even now, after two years of posting that beta, I'm some sort of harpy who overestimates her fics and makes other authors down on that list. IMHO that is a very valid and helpful beta, the original fic was really painful to read because both Luke and Mara were totally out of character. It felt as if Billy Boyd would all of a sudden sprout a Yankee accent, if you know what I mean.

Why can't ppl accept constructive criticism to make their own lives as well as that of their readers and archivists easier? *harumph*

But to counter the balance and not to appear like a high and mighty little bitch who always knows better, here is my latest beta that was done by spacellama

Re: [bloominfanfic] BETA: Serendipity vignette #3 - The Photo Shoot - NC17

Zowie. What a gorgeously romantic smut biscuit. The
sex of course, was *hot*. But also precious. I'm not
entirely sure how you managed to let me, an outsider,
view such an intimate and marvelous moment without
making me *feel* like a voyeur. And yet you did.
High-calibre writing, lady.

Of course, now that you know how much I adored the
piece, here goes my nit-picky (and grammatically anal)
beta:

"Orlando replied and gave Megan a soft kiss onto her
exposed neck." ... phrase "gave... a soft kiss onto"
is a usage I'm not used to. Maybe "dropped a soft kiss
onto"? or "gave her a soft kiss on her exposed neck"?

"exposed neck. almost letting go of the receiver" ...
that full-stop after "neck" should be a comma

""Fabulous, booze and nosh, but make sure to have some
real milk handy for tea, Megan can't hold soy milk
since her pregnancy, she is a wimp,"" ... run-on here.
I'd change to three separate sentences: "Fabulous:
booze and nosh. But make sure to have some real milk
handy for tea; Megan can't handle soymilk since her
pregnancy. She's a wimp." Or something like that.

"Orli replied while he winked at his wife who punched
him playfully onto his arm." ... There's a lot of
simultaneous action here, and it's hard to visualize
three things going on at once. May consider saying and
winking, then punching.

"putting a soft kiss on her belly," ... May consider
changing "putting" to "placing" (just more common turn
of phrase)

"Megan breathed and shut her eyes, shivers of
anticipation and lust exploded in her body and with a
groan she wrapped her arms around his neck." ...
run-on again. Easy fix, though: "...her eyes. Shivers
of anticipation..."

"The man grinned when he heard Orlando's excited voice
coming from downstairs and the
delighted laughter of Megan." ... dangling gerund
here. Possibly recast sentence: "The man grinned when
he heard Orlando's excited voice and Megan's delighted
laughter coming from downstairs."

"Putting away his camera away, he went over to te
landing " ... should be "the landing"

""Well at least Viggo could have warned us, we need to
climb the Manga Parbat to get to his studio,"" ... I
just love this line. Can so hear Orli saying it. :)

"With a shake of her head she reached the top of the
stairs "... for some reason, this made me have the
silly mental image of Megan shaking her head and
magically zatting to the top of the stairs. Maybe I'm
just too open to silly mental images.

"and Viggo rubbed his hands together, eager to start.
"So, let's start, okay?" ... repeated use of "start"
here. Maybe, "... and Viggo rubbed his hands together
eagerly. "So let's start, okay?""

""Now, Viggo, if you think I will hold my naked butt
into the camera, you should think again,"" ... maybe
"shove my naked butt into the camera"?

"threw Viggo a pitiful glance but the older man " ...
add comma between "glance" and "but"

"Orlando grinned and stepping in front of her, he
cupped her face in his hands and put a soft kiss on
her forehead" ... might consider slight rewording:
"Orlando grinned and stepped in front of her, cupping
her face..."

""Are you ready, love?""... gah. Sometimes the
simplest lines are the most sublime.

"not sure, if her voice would hold"... I don't think
you need the comma between "sure" and "if"; your call
though

"that she even missed Orli slipping away and came to
stand beside Viggo who was busy snapping pictures."
... consider rewording: "...she even missed Orli
slipping away and coming back to stand beside Viggo,
who was..."

"Fool around and try out what you feel comfortable
with,""... You know, oddly enough, I can so clearly
imagine Viggo saying *that*. (hee)


"Viggo's encouraging remarks spurned her on and she
lent back," ... "spurned" should probably be "spurred"
and "lent" probably should be "leaned"

"Megan felt Orli slipping his arms around her from the
back and as if he wanted to protect her, his hands
slipped around her belly. Slipping her hands into his
they both looked at each other, long and deep."...
"slipping" repeated a few times in this short passage.
Although it is a very evocative word, you may consider
changing it at least once.


"Having watched Megan posing for Viggo, it had made
him feel all sorts of things, he had felt pride, love,
and lust for this beautiful woman." ... internal
transitions in this passage are a little awkward. How
about "Watching Megan pose for the camera made Orli
feel all sorts of things: pride, love, and lust for
this beautiful woman"?

"The last shot of the day, as far as he was concerned,
and he was eager to get into the dark room and start
developing the negatives."... maybe "He'd taken the
last shot of the day, as far as he was concerned, and
he was.."

"A shiver went down her spine when she watcher her
husband stalking over towards her, like a predator
stalking its prey." ... change "watcher" to "watched"


"Their gazes met in the glass and when Orli untied the
knot of her wraparound, letting it fall down around
her curves, Megan bit her lips when a shiver of
passion ran
through her." ... lots of things going on at one time.
Consider: "Their gazes met in teh glass, and when Orli
untied the knot of her wraparound and let it fall down
around her curves, Megan bit her lip. A shiver of
passion ran through her."

"a soft moan elicited from her lips." ... "elicited"
seems strange here. Usually someone elicits something,
but here the somehting is eliciting all by itself.
Possibly "Her nipples grew hard as her husband skimmed
his thumbs over them. His touch elicited a soft moan
from her lips."

"and with a sob, she tried to forestall the
inevitable, but her hips, her whole movie,
had a sense of her own." .. should "movie" be "body"?

"It was as simple as that, and yet, both knew it was
never enough. Their need was more than meeting their
physical needs, and both knew it." ...
"both knew it" is repeated. Possible to remove or replace one?

"whimpers and murmurs that were so unique of her." ...
"unique of her" probably should be "unique to her"

-----------

And that is all. Thank you so much for letting me read
this; it was truly lovely.

Viv build up the beta really well, she gives praise but also takes me through the paces. And she damn well helps me making my fic but also my overall writing better :)