What do I want to do with my life?
Aug. 7th, 2004 01:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
scottishlassThis is a question I have been asking myself lately again and again. Somehow it evolves all around me wanting to work creatively and let's face it, being a web-designer is NOT really creative, especially when you have to abide to clients' tastes and corporate colours.
I haven't written anything since last January 2003, the one little Haldir ficlet sometime around summer last year doesn't count, it was just a warm up exercise that never led to anything.
I'm so happy and yet at the same time so sad that Jackie got her big break in writing. Hell, I'm exhilarated that she gets published but there is this little nagging voice inside me that whispers .. and where does it leave you?
Gosh, I hate myself for this. Jackie is my favourite fanfic writer in the SW universe, she has written my all time favourite Luke and Mara fanfic A Tangled Web. In fact that fic got me into writing SW fanfic.
And yet, I see Jackie so happy and I notice my own short comings. My own failures, the bunches of rejection letters from publishing houses and even though I'm happy for Jackie I feel sad inside that somehow I am not good enough to be right along beside her.
I don't begrudge her, far from it. I hope she is a HUGE success and I will have lots and lots of bestselling romance novels standing on my bookshelves with her name on it. She deserves it and then some :) I just wish that publishing houses wouldn't put such limitations on non-native speakers. If you send in your manuscripts and they see you are from a non-English speaking country you are almost a persona non grata.
Sigh I know how publishing houses work .. hell I worked at one as an editor before I went freelance .. so I shouldn't feel too down with every rejection I get but man, it gets disheartening.
But I'll try it again ... and again ... and again. I want to write ... no ... I NEED to write. I feel not myself if I can't shape characters and scenes with words, words have always been in my life, it was part of the life of my family. I need to write and if I have to publish myself (yeah right as if I had the money).
Anyway, I hope Jackie will be a HUGE SUCCESS. YOU GO GIRL!!!!!
I haven't written anything since last January 2003, the one little Haldir ficlet sometime around summer last year doesn't count, it was just a warm up exercise that never led to anything.
I'm so happy and yet at the same time so sad that Jackie got her big break in writing. Hell, I'm exhilarated that she gets published but there is this little nagging voice inside me that whispers .. and where does it leave you?
Gosh, I hate myself for this. Jackie is my favourite fanfic writer in the SW universe, she has written my all time favourite Luke and Mara fanfic A Tangled Web. In fact that fic got me into writing SW fanfic.
And yet, I see Jackie so happy and I notice my own short comings. My own failures, the bunches of rejection letters from publishing houses and even though I'm happy for Jackie I feel sad inside that somehow I am not good enough to be right along beside her.
I don't begrudge her, far from it. I hope she is a HUGE success and I will have lots and lots of bestselling romance novels standing on my bookshelves with her name on it. She deserves it and then some :) I just wish that publishing houses wouldn't put such limitations on non-native speakers. If you send in your manuscripts and they see you are from a non-English speaking country you are almost a persona non grata.
Sigh I know how publishing houses work .. hell I worked at one as an editor before I went freelance .. so I shouldn't feel too down with every rejection I get but man, it gets disheartening.
But I'll try it again ... and again ... and again. I want to write ... no ... I NEED to write. I feel not myself if I can't shape characters and scenes with words, words have always been in my life, it was part of the life of my family. I need to write and if I have to publish myself (yeah right as if I had the money).
Anyway, I hope Jackie will be a HUGE SUCCESS. YOU GO GIRL!!!!!
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no subject
Date: 2004-08-08 04:19 am (UTC)just be back from my holidays, logged in and found your rant.
I agree with elfnut - don´t despair!!! I really think you´ve got it in you, but it hasn´t been the right time for you, yet.
And I am not saying this either, just do please you. I read all the fiction on your side and liked it a lot and was sad you had not finished the stories. They are great reading!!!!
Go on, start writing again. Continue In darkness we stand and Right underneath your skin, I would love to read the rest and it will help you getting in the creative mood again.
So, Kopf hoch, you can do it.
Creative huggles
Alice
P.S. Now I am back - let´s meet - for cinema or just talking.