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Sep. 12th, 2006 10:31 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
scottishlassAfter yesterday I feel like I have been run over by a steam roller. Before 9/11 I have always thought that grieve will pass away after a time, but with each anniversary, with each time I visit my friend's grave with her mother, the mother seems to fall even deeper into depression. Five years ago it was already bad, but now my friend's mother barely seems functioning. I actually fear for her life and have already investigated measures and means to have her at least seen by a doctor. It can't continue like this.
Somewhere deep inside me I fear I only do this for myself, that this is selfish, but I can't just stand by and watch my friend's mom going down the downward spiral even more. She was such a carefree, spirited woman and now 5 years down the road, she looks and acts three times her age. 9/11 definitely broke her and it tears at my heart to see her like this. I feel so angry inside and I want to shout: "Don't do this to yourself! Don't let them win!" It makes me so mad.
Yesterday, I was really pensive and drawn in, a feeling that seems to continue today. I don't feel like updating much and my health is also acting up again, even though a mere week ago, I felt quite well, even better than I did a long time ago. But today it has come back to haunt me and I feel old and sick. Sometimes I wish I could switch off any emotions, ignore the strain of emotional heartache and continue life as noting has happened, but I can't, so I have to bear this.
I hope S. will be alright again. I need to see the doctor under pretense as she will never agree to seeing a psychologist and general med. More deception.
Somewhere deep inside me I fear I only do this for myself, that this is selfish, but I can't just stand by and watch my friend's mom going down the downward spiral even more. She was such a carefree, spirited woman and now 5 years down the road, she looks and acts three times her age. 9/11 definitely broke her and it tears at my heart to see her like this. I feel so angry inside and I want to shout: "Don't do this to yourself! Don't let them win!" It makes me so mad.
Yesterday, I was really pensive and drawn in, a feeling that seems to continue today. I don't feel like updating much and my health is also acting up again, even though a mere week ago, I felt quite well, even better than I did a long time ago. But today it has come back to haunt me and I feel old and sick. Sometimes I wish I could switch off any emotions, ignore the strain of emotional heartache and continue life as noting has happened, but I can't, so I have to bear this.
I hope S. will be alright again. I need to see the doctor under pretense as she will never agree to seeing a psychologist and general med. More deception.
