scottishlass: (Dogs Cenour Evil Santa)
December 4th .. only twenty days till Christmas and I still haven't decorated the house yet. Okay, I put up the customary three fir branch wreaths on the windows of our downstairs floor but apart from that and buying two poinsettas I haven't done anything. It is such a hectic time and I'm too pissed off with all the ppl around me shopping like crazy and making this time of reflection and peace into some frenzied time of materialism. Where the heck did my favourite time of the year go? With baking your own cookies? making your own crafted gifts? When you give hand made presents you are considered cheap, even if it is a well crafted sweater or quilt or anything. All ppl want are presents with a price tag and I'm so boycotting this.

What else happened? Last week I had my final exam for this year as well as after 5 years of remission and yesterday my PET/PSA results came in. After 16 years (since late 1996) I am now cured of cancer but still have a 25% chance to get it again in the future. Still, it's something. The first time in 16 years, where I have been without the scare of tumors in my breast for five consecutive years. YAY!
Strangely though, I feel kind of numb inside. There's no booty dance or full blown happiness. I guess my mind has to catch up yet that this scare is over for the time being. I'm officially a survivor now.
scottishlass: (Sewing Womble Wanted)
Today I had my tri-monthly breast cancer check-up. Mommography, blood tests and over all exam of my breasts.

OUCH!

Now my arm pit hurts (thanks doc, for grinding your fingers into my lymphoid node which was perfectly PAINFREE before you examined it!!).
My boobs hurt because of the shitty and COLD mammography thingimegig and my right arm hurts and develops all those interesting, colourful bruises, the colours look straight off an LSD trip. The doc wanted to draw blood himself and couldn't find my vein even though it was RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM. I could have used that blasted cannula on myself that vein was throbbing so obvious in my arm.
Last but not least I feel a bit woozy as they took not two, not three but four ampules of blood plus a smaller one for extra testing.

Have taken a nap for five hours (is that still considered a nap??) and still feel strange and off .. and everything hurts. Bleh!
scottishlass: (Sewing Womble Wanted)
Today I had my tri-monthly breast cancer check-up. Mommography, blood tests and over all exam of my breasts.

OUCH!

Now my arm pit hurts (thanks doc, for grinding your fingers into my lymphoid node which was perfectly PAINFREE before you examined it!!).
My boobs hurt because of the shitty and COLD mammography thingimegig and my right arm hurts and develops all those interesting, colourful bruises, the colours look straight off an LSD trip. The doc wanted to draw blood himself and couldn't find my vein even though it was RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM. I could have used that blasted cannula on myself that vein was throbbing so obvious in my arm.
Last but not least I feel a bit woozy as they took not two, not three but four ampules of blood plus a smaller one for extra testing.

Have taken a nap for five hours (is that still considered a nap??) and still feel strange and off .. and everything hurts. Bleh!
scottishlass: (Sewing Womble Wanted)
Today I had my tri-monthly breast cancer check-up. Mommography, blood tests and over all exam of my breasts.

OUCH!

Now my arm pit hurts (thanks doc, for grinding your fingers into my lymphoid node which was perfectly PAINFREE before you examined it!!).
My boobs hurt because of the shitty and COLD mammography thingimegig and my right arm hurts and develops all those interesting, colourful bruises, the colours look straight off an LSD trip. The doc wanted to draw blood himself and couldn't find my vein even though it was RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM. I could have used that blasted cannula on myself that vein was throbbing so obvious in my arm.
Last but not least I feel a bit woozy as they took not two, not three but four ampules of blood plus a smaller one for extra testing.

Have taken a nap for five hours (is that still considered a nap??) and still feel strange and off .. and everything hurts. Bleh!
scottishlass: (Default)
Today, we had a marathon of vet visits. First we went to our usual vet because Chica's mamma was swollen and she didn't want to be touched there. Our little mouse has a mastitis, an infection of her tits as she had a fake pregnancy. So we will be giving antibiotics for ten days now, it has nothing to do with the lymph-sarkoma (AMEN!)

Then this afternoon we went to this specialist who could tell us only little. It might or might not be that she will live another year, she might or might not react to the chemo therapy. She might or might not die within a few months. Additionally she said that with Chica's cortisone intake (she gets that for her allergies in order to reduce the itching and hence stopping her scratching and biting her coat till its bloody) she is not such a good candidate for a chemo.

We went to our vet right afterwards and told him and he seemed surprised. He knows that cortisone is part of the chemo but he thought it seemed a very strange notion. Anyway, he said that he wants to make an ultrasound examination to see if Chica's lymph nodes inside her body are also swollen, and if that is not the case or if there are no tumors he will remove the outer lymph nodes to get at least a couple of more months. Probably about the same time span as if she would get a chemo.
He said he doesn't believe that Chica will die so soon, because she is such a tough cookie anyway. Well we believe it when we see it.

Suffice to say, I'm between a rock and a hrad place atm. We hope and yet we are depressed. I'm always swaying between total desperation on the verge of tears and the confidence that I will enjoy the few days, weeks, months she will have with us and that I am willing and able to to let her go. Additionally, I got my own results back and my cancer titre is really high. Higher than usual and my doctor thinks there is something again in my left breast. Next week I'll hve a mammography and another set of blood tests. We will see.

Chica photos Nov. 1st )
scottishlass: (Default)
Today, we had a marathon of vet visits. First we went to our usual vet because Chica's mamma was swollen and she didn't want to be touched there. Our little mouse has a mastitis, an infection of her tits as she had a fake pregnancy. So we will be giving antibiotics for ten days now, it has nothing to do with the lymph-sarkoma (AMEN!)

Then this afternoon we went to this specialist who could tell us only little. It might or might not be that she will live another year, she might or might not react to the chemo therapy. She might or might not die within a few months. Additionally she said that with Chica's cortisone intake (she gets that for her allergies in order to reduce the itching and hence stopping her scratching and biting her coat till its bloody) she is not such a good candidate for a chemo.

We went to our vet right afterwards and told him and he seemed surprised. He knows that cortisone is part of the chemo but he thought it seemed a very strange notion. Anyway, he said that he wants to make an ultrasound examination to see if Chica's lymph nodes inside her body are also swollen, and if that is not the case or if there are no tumors he will remove the outer lymph nodes to get at least a couple of more months. Probably about the same time span as if she would get a chemo.
He said he doesn't believe that Chica will die so soon, because she is such a tough cookie anyway. Well we believe it when we see it.

Suffice to say, I'm between a rock and a hrad place atm. We hope and yet we are depressed. I'm always swaying between total desperation on the verge of tears and the confidence that I will enjoy the few days, weeks, months she will have with us and that I am willing and able to to let her go. Additionally, I got my own results back and my cancer titre is really high. Higher than usual and my doctor thinks there is something again in my left breast. Next week I'll hve a mammography and another set of blood tests. We will see.

Chica photos Nov. 1st )
scottishlass: (Default)
Today, we had a marathon of vet visits. First we went to our usual vet because Chica's mamma was swollen and she didn't want to be touched there. Our little mouse has a mastitis, an infection of her tits as she had a fake pregnancy. So we will be giving antibiotics for ten days now, it has nothing to do with the lymph-sarkoma (AMEN!)

Then this afternoon we went to this specialist who could tell us only little. It might or might not be that she will live another year, she might or might not react to the chemo therapy. She might or might not die within a few months. Additionally she said that with Chica's cortisone intake (she gets that for her allergies in order to reduce the itching and hence stopping her scratching and biting her coat till its bloody) she is not such a good candidate for a chemo.

We went to our vet right afterwards and told him and he seemed surprised. He knows that cortisone is part of the chemo but he thought it seemed a very strange notion. Anyway, he said that he wants to make an ultrasound examination to see if Chica's lymph nodes inside her body are also swollen, and if that is not the case or if there are no tumors he will remove the outer lymph nodes to get at least a couple of more months. Probably about the same time span as if she would get a chemo.
He said he doesn't believe that Chica will die so soon, because she is such a tough cookie anyway. Well we believe it when we see it.

Suffice to say, I'm between a rock and a hrad place atm. We hope and yet we are depressed. I'm always swaying between total desperation on the verge of tears and the confidence that I will enjoy the few days, weeks, months she will have with us and that I am willing and able to to let her go. Additionally, I got my own results back and my cancer titre is really high. Higher than usual and my doctor thinks there is something again in my left breast. Next week I'll hve a mammography and another set of blood tests. We will see.

Chica photos Nov. 1st )
scottishlass: (KS Kimutaki hurt)
I feel so icky ... in my mind a voice is constantly telling me that I now have only two more treatments left but I feel as if I have just started with the whole thing. Getting the IV today (or any day after a resting time) is always the worst. I desperately try to keep my tea in but I think I will loose the battle.

Additionally, I think I'm coming down with a cold or something as all my limbs are aching. Ganbatte!! Need to finish this chapter and then I'll take a nap. Hopefully I will feel better later today.
scottishlass: (KS Kimutaki hurt)
I feel so icky ... in my mind a voice is constantly telling me that I now have only two more treatments left but I feel as if I have just started with the whole thing. Getting the IV today (or any day after a resting time) is always the worst. I desperately try to keep my tea in but I think I will loose the battle.

Additionally, I think I'm coming down with a cold or something as all my limbs are aching. Ganbatte!! Need to finish this chapter and then I'll take a nap. Hopefully I will feel better later today.
scottishlass: (KS Kimutaki hurt)
I feel so icky ... in my mind a voice is constantly telling me that I now have only two more treatments left but I feel as if I have just started with the whole thing. Getting the IV today (or any day after a resting time) is always the worst. I desperately try to keep my tea in but I think I will loose the battle.

Additionally, I think I'm coming down with a cold or something as all my limbs are aching. Ganbatte!! Need to finish this chapter and then I'll take a nap. Hopefully I will feel better later today.
scottishlass: (KS Kimutaki heh)
Global warming seems to have us in its grasp. For a whole week now we have temperatures like in high summer, 25+° Celsius and into the 30's. It's freaking me out on so many levels. The cherry and apple trees are in full bloom and all the other trees are showing tentative green and it is shorts and t-shirt weather. Normally April is windy and rainy with a bit of sunshine thrown in, but this weather? Jeesh, weirdo-time!

My stye is almost gone and overall I feel better. Only three more units (24th & 26th April and 2nd May) and this round of chemo is over. I hope the two tumors have encapsulated themselves and I don't have to do surgery. Last time I had to stay in hospital for a week with this really tight, uncomfortable bra thing on and if it continues to be this warm it will be hell. We will see. If I have to have surgery I very much prefer an ambulant treatment, like my chemo. I even prefer the pain of an ambulant surgery over staying at hospital for so long.

I wish I had the money to travel to Japan ... *sigh* - snurched from [livejournal.com profile] little_witch27
You Should Travel to Japan

From freak sightings in Harajuku to awesome sashimi and tempura, you'll love Japan.
And who knows? You might end up on Japanese TV!
scottishlass: (KS Kimutaki heh)
Global warming seems to have us in its grasp. For a whole week now we have temperatures like in high summer, 25+° Celsius and into the 30's. It's freaking me out on so many levels. The cherry and apple trees are in full bloom and all the other trees are showing tentative green and it is shorts and t-shirt weather. Normally April is windy and rainy with a bit of sunshine thrown in, but this weather? Jeesh, weirdo-time!

My stye is almost gone and overall I feel better. Only three more units (24th & 26th April and 2nd May) and this round of chemo is over. I hope the two tumors have encapsulated themselves and I don't have to do surgery. Last time I had to stay in hospital for a week with this really tight, uncomfortable bra thing on and if it continues to be this warm it will be hell. We will see. If I have to have surgery I very much prefer an ambulant treatment, like my chemo. I even prefer the pain of an ambulant surgery over staying at hospital for so long.

I wish I had the money to travel to Japan ... *sigh* - snurched from [livejournal.com profile] little_witch27
You Should Travel to Japan

From freak sightings in Harajuku to awesome sashimi and tempura, you'll love Japan.
And who knows? You might end up on Japanese TV!
scottishlass: (KS Kimutaki heh)
Global warming seems to have us in its grasp. For a whole week now we have temperatures like in high summer, 25+° Celsius and into the 30's. It's freaking me out on so many levels. The cherry and apple trees are in full bloom and all the other trees are showing tentative green and it is shorts and t-shirt weather. Normally April is windy and rainy with a bit of sunshine thrown in, but this weather? Jeesh, weirdo-time!

My stye is almost gone and overall I feel better. Only three more units (24th & 26th April and 2nd May) and this round of chemo is over. I hope the two tumors have encapsulated themselves and I don't have to do surgery. Last time I had to stay in hospital for a week with this really tight, uncomfortable bra thing on and if it continues to be this warm it will be hell. We will see. If I have to have surgery I very much prefer an ambulant treatment, like my chemo. I even prefer the pain of an ambulant surgery over staying at hospital for so long.

I wish I had the money to travel to Japan ... *sigh* - snurched from [livejournal.com profile] little_witch27
You Should Travel to Japan

From freak sightings in Harajuku to awesome sashimi and tempura, you'll love Japan.
And who knows? You might end up on Japanese TV!
scottishlass: (Default)
Some ppl might wonder why I can write so casually about my breast cancer treatment and that I go out and about, walking the dogs, going shopping etc. I think I have to make something clear. I have lived with the illness or disease or whatever you want to call it, for a long time now. I'm pissed off at cancer but I won't let a bloody illness dictate my life or take away such a small pleasure like walking my dogs (even if it is more like crawling rather than walking actually). Oh and no, I'm not faking it as someone pointed out to me in an email (which enthused this whole post). I wish I was faking it, then I would be healthy and strong and not ill, thank you very much.

I could make an lj-cut here, but I decided against it, because ppl shoudl know about what it means to have breast cancer. It can happen to anyone.

Anyway, I have stage 4 breast cancer, meaning without immediate treatment I can die. Period. BUT! Breast cancer is not like breast cancer, there is hormonal, genetical and bone-based (where the tumors sit more on the rips and diaphragm than the actual breast themselves) forms of mamma carcinoma, the most common being the genetical and bone-based ones which are also the most fatal ones.
Hormonal breast cancer make about 2% to 4% (depending on the research studies from different countries) of all breast cancer patients. These women (and some few men) have difficulties with their hormonal set-up. I'm one of them.

Back in 1996 I got my first prescription of anti-baby pills. Unfortunately, my then gynecologist didn't make a hormonal test to see if I can actually use this particular brand of pill. As she didn't make the test and I didn't know that there should be a test, I took the pill for three months (!!), never knowing that I was fertile despite the pill because my hormonal make-up already has a high production of estrogen and the pill actually increased said production. Due to some obscure genetic defect thanks to my biological father I have a high production of estrogen and calcium in my body already. During puberty, my bones didn't all grow in length but a lot (fingers, toes, torso/ribs) grew in circumference rather than length. With this and the pill effecting the hypothalamus and hence the ovarian steroids (like estrogen) the calcium in my mamma ovaries plus the additional estrogen produced created breast cancer. It is what is called estrogen-receptor positive cancer, it means with more and more estrogen being produced carcinoma can grow both in the breasts but also in the vulva.
Good thing is, not all cases (about 80%) are fatal. With the right hormonal therapy, cancer cell suppressing medicine and cortisone based pills, you can actually live with cancer for years, as I'm doing since 1996.

Now you could ask, why not remove the vulva and the breasts? A question I have asked my doctors again and again with getting the same ol' answer. Once these particular areas in the body are removed, the estrogen plus the high calcium levels will find other areas, mainly bones. It will spread from a mere mamma carcinoma to all kinds of cancers, including osteosarcoma (malignant bone cancer) or multiple myeloma (cancer of plasma cells, leukemia etc.)
So ... I should count myself lucky in a way. I have been going on and off weak chemo therapies for 11 years now, with the current now being my fifth. If I can live another 11 years with this kind of shit, then okay so be it.

Oh and btw, I have removed the person who sent me the email from my flist and I would appreciate her doing the same. I'm sorry to hear her aunt died of breast cancer, but obviously she had a different form than me. Telling me that I was faking it as I'm obviously not dead already was bad taste and even though it didn't hurt me, it made me very sad. I know grief is talking here, but you don't know me as I don't know you in RL. I can't act as your emotional punching ball.


Having said all that, all I can do is to ask everyone on my flist to go to at least yearly breast cancer prevention check-ups. It can save lives!!
scottishlass: (Default)
Some ppl might wonder why I can write so casually about my breast cancer treatment and that I go out and about, walking the dogs, going shopping etc. I think I have to make something clear. I have lived with the illness or disease or whatever you want to call it, for a long time now. I'm pissed off at cancer but I won't let a bloody illness dictate my life or take away such a small pleasure like walking my dogs (even if it is more like crawling rather than walking actually). Oh and no, I'm not faking it as someone pointed out to me in an email (which enthused this whole post). I wish I was faking it, then I would be healthy and strong and not ill, thank you very much.

I could make an lj-cut here, but I decided against it, because ppl shoudl know about what it means to have breast cancer. It can happen to anyone.

Anyway, I have stage 4 breast cancer, meaning without immediate treatment I can die. Period. BUT! Breast cancer is not like breast cancer, there is hormonal, genetical and bone-based (where the tumors sit more on the rips and diaphragm than the actual breast themselves) forms of mamma carcinoma, the most common being the genetical and bone-based ones which are also the most fatal ones.
Hormonal breast cancer make about 2% to 4% (depending on the research studies from different countries) of all breast cancer patients. These women (and some few men) have difficulties with their hormonal set-up. I'm one of them.

Back in 1996 I got my first prescription of anti-baby pills. Unfortunately, my then gynecologist didn't make a hormonal test to see if I can actually use this particular brand of pill. As she didn't make the test and I didn't know that there should be a test, I took the pill for three months (!!), never knowing that I was fertile despite the pill because my hormonal make-up already has a high production of estrogen and the pill actually increased said production. Due to some obscure genetic defect thanks to my biological father I have a high production of estrogen and calcium in my body already. During puberty, my bones didn't all grow in length but a lot (fingers, toes, torso/ribs) grew in circumference rather than length. With this and the pill effecting the hypothalamus and hence the ovarian steroids (like estrogen) the calcium in my mamma ovaries plus the additional estrogen produced created breast cancer. It is what is called estrogen-receptor positive cancer, it means with more and more estrogen being produced carcinoma can grow both in the breasts but also in the vulva.
Good thing is, not all cases (about 80%) are fatal. With the right hormonal therapy, cancer cell suppressing medicine and cortisone based pills, you can actually live with cancer for years, as I'm doing since 1996.

Now you could ask, why not remove the vulva and the breasts? A question I have asked my doctors again and again with getting the same ol' answer. Once these particular areas in the body are removed, the estrogen plus the high calcium levels will find other areas, mainly bones. It will spread from a mere mamma carcinoma to all kinds of cancers, including osteosarcoma (malignant bone cancer) or multiple myeloma (cancer of plasma cells, leukemia etc.)
So ... I should count myself lucky in a way. I have been going on and off weak chemo therapies for 11 years now, with the current now being my fifth. If I can live another 11 years with this kind of shit, then okay so be it.

Oh and btw, I have removed the person who sent me the email from my flist and I would appreciate her doing the same. I'm sorry to hear her aunt died of breast cancer, but obviously she had a different form than me. Telling me that I was faking it as I'm obviously not dead already was bad taste and even though it didn't hurt me, it made me very sad. I know grief is talking here, but you don't know me as I don't know you in RL. I can't act as your emotional punching ball.


Having said all that, all I can do is to ask everyone on my flist to go to at least yearly breast cancer prevention check-ups. It can save lives!!
scottishlass: (Default)
Some ppl might wonder why I can write so casually about my breast cancer treatment and that I go out and about, walking the dogs, going shopping etc. I think I have to make something clear. I have lived with the illness or disease or whatever you want to call it, for a long time now. I'm pissed off at cancer but I won't let a bloody illness dictate my life or take away such a small pleasure like walking my dogs (even if it is more like crawling rather than walking actually). Oh and no, I'm not faking it as someone pointed out to me in an email (which enthused this whole post). I wish I was faking it, then I would be healthy and strong and not ill, thank you very much.

I could make an lj-cut here, but I decided against it, because ppl shoudl know about what it means to have breast cancer. It can happen to anyone.

Anyway, I have stage 4 breast cancer, meaning without immediate treatment I can die. Period. BUT! Breast cancer is not like breast cancer, there is hormonal, genetical and bone-based (where the tumors sit more on the rips and diaphragm than the actual breast themselves) forms of mamma carcinoma, the most common being the genetical and bone-based ones which are also the most fatal ones.
Hormonal breast cancer make about 2% to 4% (depending on the research studies from different countries) of all breast cancer patients. These women (and some few men) have difficulties with their hormonal set-up. I'm one of them.

Back in 1996 I got my first prescription of anti-baby pills. Unfortunately, my then gynecologist didn't make a hormonal test to see if I can actually use this particular brand of pill. As she didn't make the test and I didn't know that there should be a test, I took the pill for three months (!!), never knowing that I was fertile despite the pill because my hormonal make-up already has a high production of estrogen and the pill actually increased said production. Due to some obscure genetic defect thanks to my biological father I have a high production of estrogen and calcium in my body already. During puberty, my bones didn't all grow in length but a lot (fingers, toes, torso/ribs) grew in circumference rather than length. With this and the pill effecting the hypothalamus and hence the ovarian steroids (like estrogen) the calcium in my mamma ovaries plus the additional estrogen produced created breast cancer. It is what is called estrogen-receptor positive cancer, it means with more and more estrogen being produced carcinoma can grow both in the breasts but also in the vulva.
Good thing is, not all cases (about 80%) are fatal. With the right hormonal therapy, cancer cell suppressing medicine and cortisone based pills, you can actually live with cancer for years, as I'm doing since 1996.

Now you could ask, why not remove the vulva and the breasts? A question I have asked my doctors again and again with getting the same ol' answer. Once these particular areas in the body are removed, the estrogen plus the high calcium levels will find other areas, mainly bones. It will spread from a mere mamma carcinoma to all kinds of cancers, including osteosarcoma (malignant bone cancer) or multiple myeloma (cancer of plasma cells, leukemia etc.)
So ... I should count myself lucky in a way. I have been going on and off weak chemo therapies for 11 years now, with the current now being my fifth. If I can live another 11 years with this kind of shit, then okay so be it.

Oh and btw, I have removed the person who sent me the email from my flist and I would appreciate her doing the same. I'm sorry to hear her aunt died of breast cancer, but obviously she had a different form than me. Telling me that I was faking it as I'm obviously not dead already was bad taste and even though it didn't hurt me, it made me very sad. I know grief is talking here, but you don't know me as I don't know you in RL. I can't act as your emotional punching ball.


Having said all that, all I can do is to ask everyone on my flist to go to at least yearly breast cancer prevention check-ups. It can save lives!!
scottishlass: (Chica Run)
It is raining, it is snowing, it is freezing cold and I am stupid or insane enough (choose what you will) to walk the dogs. I spent about an hour outside and all three of us were cold, wet and pissed off that His Hubbiness™ took his sweet time picking us up.
Rhine walk )

Picture of the day - Cenour the poser )

Since Monday night I have a slight temperature, good thing I didn't need to go to the ray treatment today (next time will be April 3rd) but after that walk this morning I think I am coming down with a cold.
This morning while brushing my hair I lost a lot. There is now a 2 Euro big bald spot on the back of my head, good thing I have a lot of hair so it is (still) covered, but if it continues like last time, I need to cut the hair again in some sort of layered, touselled look ... Shoot. Ich hasse Stufenschnitte!!!
scottishlass: (Chica Run)
It is raining, it is snowing, it is freezing cold and I am stupid or insane enough (choose what you will) to walk the dogs. I spent about an hour outside and all three of us were cold, wet and pissed off that His Hubbiness™ took his sweet time picking us up.
Rhine walk )

Picture of the day - Cenour the poser )

Since Monday night I have a slight temperature, good thing I didn't need to go to the ray treatment today (next time will be April 3rd) but after that walk this morning I think I am coming down with a cold.
This morning while brushing my hair I lost a lot. There is now a 2 Euro big bald spot on the back of my head, good thing I have a lot of hair so it is (still) covered, but if it continues like last time, I need to cut the hair again in some sort of layered, touselled look ... Shoot. Ich hasse Stufenschnitte!!!
scottishlass: (Chica Run)
It is raining, it is snowing, it is freezing cold and I am stupid or insane enough (choose what you will) to walk the dogs. I spent about an hour outside and all three of us were cold, wet and pissed off that His Hubbiness™ took his sweet time picking us up.
Rhine walk )

Picture of the day - Cenour the poser )

Since Monday night I have a slight temperature, good thing I didn't need to go to the ray treatment today (next time will be April 3rd) but after that walk this morning I think I am coming down with a cold.
This morning while brushing my hair I lost a lot. There is now a 2 Euro big bald spot on the back of my head, good thing I have a lot of hair so it is (still) covered, but if it continues like last time, I need to cut the hair again in some sort of layered, touselled look ... Shoot. Ich hasse Stufenschnitte!!!
scottishlass: (KS Kimutaki Pirate)
My IV treatment went smoothly today, though the nausea is back and even smelling food or other stuff gives me a very uncomfy feeling in my throat and stomach. My arm hurts and the feeling of fire racing through my veins is back. It is as if I'm hitting menopause with the cold and hot shivers I have.
I move around like an old woman but otherwise I'm okay. I don't want to wallow in the pit of depression and so far I have maanged to avoid it. What has helped me is a lot of music and dramas (mostly happy-sappy jdramas). His Bubbiness™, also helps but what helps really a lot are the two little dears. Chica has been here for a year now and we celebrated her birthday yesterday. Of course, it isn't her real bday but she came to us one year ago yesterday. And those two really help me keeping my cool. Whenever I want to give up, I try to think of those two and cuddle with them, it helps to keep focused when you have a small warm body depending on you. I might be in pain, I might even think about giving up but in the end, those two (well three, including His Hubbiness™) depend on me.

On Sunday His Hubbiness™ is off to Barcelona, Spain. SCHOOL TRIP!!! *evil laughter in the background* Poor man, stuck with a bunch of adolescents in Spain for five days, sight seeing!!!! His Hubbiness™ hates sightseeing. Ah I feel for him but then again it will be fun to see how he fares hearding around his pupils - I guess I should prepare myself for having a run down husband returning on Thursday next week. But the prospect of being all alone, left to my own devices for full five days - YOKATTA!!! I'll probably mope around the first night or two and be totally heart broken, but today - for now - all I can say is: YES!! I have the whole apartment to myself and can watch DVD on the HUGE FLAT TV screen and even do it in Dolby Surround 6.1 *makes a little mental booty shake*
I will probably make a bento for his trip to Spain. The poor man doesn't eat Spanish food (he is missing a lot!!). I found a beautiful bento box on ebay.com but that is on too short notice, so a Tupperware plastic box has to do.
His Hubbiness™ wouldn't even know if he had a real bento box or a fake, so plastic it is.

Image for today under the cut - taken with my very old Hauppauge TV Card
Meet Knut! )

of the moment

Yozora no mukou ni wa mou asu ga matteiru

ano toki kimi ga ushinatta mono wa
yozora no mukou no hoshi ni natta
nurashita hoho wa itsuka kawaite
kitto habatakeru kara

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